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Conflict Daughter And Mother

From time to time mother and daughter do have conflicts.  That is an unfortunate event.  This article will help one to understand the real source of that conflict and how to restore peace.  Let's get started.

First Cause Of Conflict Between Mother And Daughter

The first cause of conflict between a mother and daughter is the communication breakdown.

What do I mean.  Think of it like a crowd or two people that want to exit through a door at the same time.  Or see it as a traffic jam.

So a mother is saying something or making a statement and the daughter won't allow her to finish what she wants to say.  Now both end talking to each other at the same time.  That creates a communication break down.  It does not matter what the topic is, the communication breakdown will hinder a clear understanding.

Second Cause Of Conflict Between Daughter And Mother

The second factor is misunderstanding.  Daughter or mother is doing or saying something, but one quickly misinterprets it.
Not only that, one does not allow the other person to explain or clarify it.  Therefore, one holds on to one's misinterpretation. 

For example, a mother called her daughter on her smartphone in the evening, but the volume was very low, so daughter did not know that mother has called.  The next day, daughter rushed to work, and forget the phone at home.  In the meantime, mother has been trying to call her.  As the daughter got home, the phone's battery was already flat.

So, she put it on the charger, but before she remembered to check the phone when it was fully charged, she fell asleep and slept throughout the night. 

Mother did try one more time in the evening to get hold of her in vain.  She has left so many messages, but now she gave up. 

Note that the night before, they had a heated argument about her new male friend.  So mother thought it was because of that. 

The following day, daughter checked her phone and saw all those messages and quickly texted her mother on the way to work to tell her what has happened.

Mother did not believe her, but thought it was the bad influence of that new partner of her.  To cut a long story short, that misunderstanding or misinterpretation can easily create a long lasting conflict between a mother and daughter.

Third Cause Of Conflict Between Mother And Daughter

The third factor is criticism.  Either is the mother who is criticising the daughter or  daughter that is leading the criticism of her mother.  I am talking about cases where one is criticising the other on regular basis. 

Indeed a mother and daughter that often have disagreements and criticise each other on regular basis will not get along.

Fourth Factor Of Conflict Between Mother And Daughter

The fourth cause of the conflict between a mother and daughter is disrespect. 

Either the daughter is now a grown up person, and she refuses to treat her mother as her mother.  I mean to give her her right place instead treating her like a property.

That little lack of respect can lead to a conflict because a mother may be irritated by her daughter.

Equally, a mother can begin to irritate a daughter if she continues to treat her like her little baby though she is now over 18 or even got married.  A mother ought to know when to start giving her daughter her own space, time and respect.

Fifth Reason Why Conflict Between Daughter And Mother

Probably a daughter or mother somewhere is upsetting the other without knowing.  In fact it is happening all the times. 

So, a mother likes to see her daughter taking more care of herself.  That could be dressing up nicely, putting on make ups or just changing a crappy hairstyle.

It is just one is asking the other to look, feel and be happier one way of the other.  It may seem like there is no issue here, but that can also lead to a conflict.

You know most daughters want their mothers to make them proud.  Indeed, it is the same thing that a mother wants from her daughter.

Sometimes, daughter or mother may embarrass the other just by neglecting herself.  It is really pleasing when one asks another to make some changes, and the person really tries to do it to please the other.

Just try it and you will see it for yourself.
Most parents do often neglect themselves because of their age.  By doing so, they may upset their children or daughter without knowing it.  That is a delicate issue. 

How To Fix Mother And Daughter Conflicts

To deal with the first factor, daughter and mother ought to allow each one to finish their statement without interruptions when they are talking. 

When one is interrupting the other, the other will politely say: can I finish please.  Keep repeating that phrase until the other stop doing it.  Do not say: you are interrupting me again.  Or keep quiet.  The aim is to avoid creating another communication jam or breakdown while trying to fix it.

To handle the second factor, one must always resolve all misunderstandings as soon as possible.  Just ask simple questions like;
what has happened?  Do you mind telling me more?  Always seek clarifications in a polite and peaceful manner.  Watch the tone of your voice.  Do not let misunderstandings last.  Solve them as fast as possible.  Never misinterpret the other because it will create more misunderstanding.

To avoid that criticism ruins the good relationship between a mother and daughter, one must learn to use positive words.  For example instead of saying I hate the way you speak to me.  One may say I can not believe that you talk to me on that tone.  One wants to thinks first before addressing the other because one is trying to diffuse the criticism.

Never allow the disrespect to come between daughter and mother.  Be polite to each other.  Rest assured that being polite does help any relationship. 

As soon as one notices that one has been disrespectful in any way, just say sorry right there.  If you forget or could not apologise right away.  Come back or call back few days later and say something like:  I am sorry, I do not mean to be disrespectful to you.  Please accept my apologies.  Alright.

To fix the fifth factor that causes conflict between daughter and mother, one must be guarded to upset the other just by being like a stubborn child.  Listen to each and other, and try your best to please the other if she asks you to better yourself.  

One should avoid embarrassing the other.  Try instead to make them proud.  Believe or not, people always like people that make them proud.  Do not just say: she is always complaining about my hairstyle or she is asking me to change that coat that I have been wearing for years.  

Pleasing another and also letting them know that one has done what they were asking will make them appreciate one.  With that, a rich relationship may blossom.

A quickest way to get a beneficial change in a relationship is to put oneself at the place of the other and adopt their viewpoint without interference.  By taking another's viewpoint, one will quickly understand them.  

Really, a mother and daughter that understand each other will get along nicely.

Conclusion

Mother and daughter's conflicts do happen, but there are factors that constantly cause them.  Mother and daughter that know those factors can now begin to fix them without blaming the other. Both side ought to do their parts to help save the relationship. For relationships between mother and daughter that turn sour for a long time; one must be patient and try to fix it slowly and gradually.  Fixing too quickly a long time complex mother and daughter relationship can be very tricky.

Alright, that will do.  I hope this article has been helpful.  Please feel free to share and bookmark it and also do not forget to say few good words about us in your favourite forums. 

I wish you the very best.

This article is written by
the founder of understandingthesecretideas.com