Marriage: Why Does A Healthy Marriage Fail?
Are you married?
Are you happily married?
Are you getting married?
Have you been married before?
Will you marry again?
Why did the marriage fail?
Are you getting divorce?
Or are you reconciling with your ex?
One more time, why does a healthy marriage fail?
First let's look at the definition of marriage.
According to Google search engine, marriage is a legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman).
Marriage is also called matrimony or wedlock.
Though a marriage is a marriage, not every marriage is a healthy one.
Obviously, something is healthy if it is in good health. Moreover, a healthy marriage is the one that is in good health so to speak. Personally, I define a healthy marriage as a marriage that has all the elements to grow and defend itself in a healthy environment. Indeed, a healthy marriage has three
fundamental characteristics such as:
1/ Sustainable growth,
2/ Defensive against threats
3/ And staying in a healthy environment.
Surely, a healthy marriage will fail if it stays in an unfriendly entourage. Also, in a healthy marriage, both partners often defend their union. They will not tolerate any threatening interference. However, the first sign that underlines a healthy marriage is the growth.
Is the marriage growing? If the answer is yes then it is a healthy one. Consequently, to keep growing, it must be defensive and stay out of all threatening environment.
Now that one understands what is marriage and healthy marriage, let's talk about why does a
healthy marriage fail.
Why Does A Healthy Marriage Fail?
There are two factors that destroy a healthy marriage.
The first is the ignorance that the marriage is healthy at the first place.
The second is the steady degradation of the union by one spouse or both.
Indeed, if one does not know that one is in a healthy marriage, one will not appreciate it.
One will easily criticise it and look for reasons to blame the other partner. Furthermore,
one will be looking for all sort of excuses to get out of it. In those circumstances, many
spouses become very careful about their partner. They see the marriage as a trap and will
quickly shout or attack their husband or wife for trivial incidents. For example, a partner may
just touch something that belongs the other. Then the other spouse may say things such as:
why are you touching my stuff, you are just like a child. Didn't I tell you not to touch my stuff?
Who told you to touch my stuff? And so on and on. In this instance, a partner who does not
know that he or she is in healthy marriage is becoming very suspicious, unhappy and irrational.
Here the problem is not the marriage itself but just a pure ignorance that one is in a healthy
marriage. One does not know what is healthy matrimony or relationship. Indeed, many healthy relationships that have failed could have been saved if both spouses knew that it was a healthy marriage. Sometimes, divorced coupled who realised that error quickly rekindle their marriage.
One example of a couple that is trying to rekindle their marriage after a divorce is
the royal family couple Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson.
As first reported in The Sunday Telegraph, the Duke and the Duchess, who live together at the Royal Lodge in Windsor, are said to have rekindled their romance. According to friends, they are now so close that a second marriage is “only a matter of time”.
Degradation Of Marriage By A Spouse Or Spouses
The second factor that could jeopardise a marriage or wedlock is the degradation of the union by
a spouse or both. It is a self sabotage mechanism. This time, one is in a healthy marriage and whether one knows it or not it does not matter but one is diligently screwing up a healthy marriage
by working against it at every level. For example, a spouse in a healthy relationship that is constantly betraying the other partner. One is in healthy matrimony but one delights in doing one or
more of the following:
1/ lying or making something that is untrue looks like the truth.
2/ being constantly a hypocrite.
3/ cheating on the other spouse whenever possible.
4/ no intimacy, trust or genuine care or love.
5/ always doing things alone or separately without including the other spouse.
6/ making discouraging criticisms.
7/ always associating oneself with others that do not want the relationship to grow.
8/ easily disrespecting the wife or husband or underestimating him or her.
9/ treating your spouse as one of the children in the house.
10/ and the worst of all trying to control every aspect of his or her life as if he or she is one's
property or slave. Don't you know you my wife? Or I thought you belong to me? No that is not
what I wanted to say. I thought you are my wife or husband?
AS they say, it takes two to tango and this is true for a marriage couple.
If one is in relationship, one should always check if it is healthy one by
checking the three characteristics of a healthy marriage.
Is it a growing partnership or marriage?
Do both partners care about it and trying their best to protect it?
Is the relationship growing far away from those who would be happy
to see it fail?
The second thing one should to preserve a healthy marriage is to stop
sabotaging or degrading at all times. A healthy marriage will only work if both spouses
are in it to win together but not alone.